So many thoughts and emotions.
I feel like I've worked harder than 1 pound.
But maybe I haven't worked hard enough. Maybe I'm throwing toothpicks on a fire, and expecting a blaze as if I was using logs. But running/jogging 2 miles, and an hour of sweating my butt off cardio, doesn't feel like toothpicks. I've been eating healthy.
I guess I need to kick it up a few notches.
Then I start thinking. This is really as much as I can give right now. I mean I guess I could try a little harder. But I feel like I'm really trying to change my lifestyle. I don't want to do anything that I know I couldn't maintain my entire life. I don't want to lose weight only to gain it back again.
So if that it's it, than I shouldn't care about that stupid number. But I do!! It's so frustrating. I feel like what's the point of even working out at all if these are the results? I keep reminding myself that I'm working out for more than weight loss. But I really don't enjoy working out. I'm just hoping if I do it enough, and tell myself I love it, eventually I will. That whole fake til you make it gig.
I've been doing my best, but I think it's time for my best to get better. And I have a challenging time coming up. I am going to NJ for about a week. I always gain 5lbs whenever I go there. I am going to try to continue running while I'm there. And I'll be careful about what I eat. My goal will just be to not gain any weight while I'm there.
*sigh*
I am more than a number. My weight does not have any bearing on my worth. I am beautiful at any size.
