ONE POUND

Okay so it's been about a month since I last stepped on a scale. (Okay there was that one time at the doctor's on the 12th.) Other than I've tried to stay away from the scale. Tomorrow would have been a month since last weigh-in at 229. Today I weighed myself on the scale at Jazzercise. 228.

So many thoughts and emotions.

I feel like I've worked harder than 1 pound.

But maybe I haven't worked hard enough. Maybe I'm throwing toothpicks on a fire, and expecting a blaze as if I was using logs. But running/jogging 2 miles, and an hour of sweating my butt off cardio, doesn't feel like toothpicks. I've been eating healthy.

I guess I need to kick it up a few notches.

Then I start thinking. This is really as much as I can give right now. I mean I guess I could try a little harder. But I feel like I'm really trying to change my lifestyle. I don't want to do anything that I know I couldn't maintain my entire life. I don't want to lose weight only to gain it back again.

So if that it's it, than I shouldn't care about that stupid number. But I do!! It's so frustrating. I feel like what's the point of even working out at all if these are the results? I keep reminding myself that I'm working out for more than weight loss. But I really don't enjoy working out. I'm just hoping if I do it enough, and tell myself I love it, eventually I will. That whole fake til you make it gig.

I've been doing my best, but I think it's time for my best to get better. And I have a challenging time coming up. I am going to NJ for about a week. I always gain 5lbs whenever I go there. I am going to try to continue running while I'm there. And I'll be careful about what I eat. My goal will just be to not gain any weight while I'm there.

*sigh*

I am more than a number. My weight does not have any bearing on my worth. I am beautiful at any size.

5 straight days of working out!!

Okay so I've had this goal forever to workout every day except Sunday. Something has always happened to be a good enough excuse to not do it. But I have worked out every single day since Monday. And worked out HARD!

Monday - Jazzercise for 60 minutes. And just in case you aren't familiar with the awesomeness that is Jazzercise, it's dance aerobics, and then strength training. It's my favorite way to work out. I like to pretend I'm just dancing, and not exercising, even though sweat is literally pouring off of me. And then the strength training is pretty intense, although varies a lot by teacher. Some instructors totally kick my butt, and others are a lot easier, but still a good workout.

Tuesday - Ran 2.4 miles while pushing about 60 lb of kid in stroller. I ran for a 1/10 of a mile, than walked a 1/10. Did that the whole time. Occasionally running 2/10. And sometimes walking a little longer because I was carrying about 35 of the 60lb of kids. It was a beautiful day. Hard workout but felt so good.

Wednesday - Jazz'd it up

Thurday - ran for 30 minutese. Up and down hills. I cried. It sucked.

Today - Again Jazz.

Tomorrow I plan on going for a "long" run. I don't know, I want to see if I can run 3 miles. And at least 1 without stopping. But it's kind of depending on the weather. I just don't have the dedication to run in freezing rain. But if it is raining I'll run up and down my stairs or something.

Yaaay for 5 days of exercise!!!

And now to NOT celebrate with delicious pumpkin cake......