So many thoughts and emotions.
I feel like I've worked harder than 1 pound.
But maybe I haven't worked hard enough. Maybe I'm throwing toothpicks on a fire, and expecting a blaze as if I was using logs. But running/jogging 2 miles, and an hour of sweating my butt off cardio, doesn't feel like toothpicks. I've been eating healthy.
I guess I need to kick it up a few notches.
Then I start thinking. This is really as much as I can give right now. I mean I guess I could try a little harder. But I feel like I'm really trying to change my lifestyle. I don't want to do anything that I know I couldn't maintain my entire life. I don't want to lose weight only to gain it back again.
So if that it's it, than I shouldn't care about that stupid number. But I do!! It's so frustrating. I feel like what's the point of even working out at all if these are the results? I keep reminding myself that I'm working out for more than weight loss. But I really don't enjoy working out. I'm just hoping if I do it enough, and tell myself I love it, eventually I will. That whole fake til you make it gig.
I've been doing my best, but I think it's time for my best to get better. And I have a challenging time coming up. I am going to NJ for about a week. I always gain 5lbs whenever I go there. I am going to try to continue running while I'm there. And I'll be careful about what I eat. My goal will just be to not gain any weight while I'm there.
*sigh*
I am more than a number. My weight does not have any bearing on my worth. I am beautiful at any size.
Don't give up! You just need to change your tactics, maybe. Trying keeping a food journal. Writing down everything really helps, and I think that's a huge reason why Weight Watchers is so successful. Especially if you're a stressed out/emotional eater. If you write how you felt before you ate something, maybe you'll start to see patterns that you can try to prevent. Maybe weigh yourself once a week. I think the monthly approach makes it easier to be easier on yourself in the beginning, then harder on yourself as your month is up. Also, if you're seeing the pounds drop each week, it will be SUCH a bigger form of encouragement to keep going. And if it goes up one week? Well, it was just a week lost, not a whole month. And don't feel bad about any of your feelings- it seems you're going back and forth between wanting to be a certain number and then chastising yourself for wanting to be a certain number. Don't feel guilty about that. If you are not comfortable at your current weight, then you're not comfortable. That alone is enough of a reason to want to take this on. And the guilt trip you're putting yourself through is only going to make this harder.
ReplyDeleteDon't stop exercising! It has so many good benefits, and you really will get hooked on it, I promise you. It takes a long time to get "addicted" to it, but you will. Believe you me, if you told me five years ago that there would be a time in my life in the near future when I would actually look FORWARD to the GYM I would have laughed in your face. But I do!
This is hard. But don't give up yet. It's only been one month. This is discouraging, but don't let it overtake your goals and your desire to succeed! It's just one, teeny, tiny setback. I am still cheering you on!