The ultimate test

The ultimate test

If it goes longer than, say a month, I start to get an itch. It starts to consume my thoughts. I begin to dream about it. Salivating at random intervals throughout the day....

Okay I'm exaggerating a bit. But seriously...

I need to bake some chocolate chip cookies.

I don't know why baking chocolate chip cookies is one of my all time favorite things to do. However, every single time I make them I am sure eat the equivalent of at least 4 cookies in dough alone. Then of course I have to eat one that came straight from the oven. Then I burn my tongue and don't really enjoy it... so I wait a few minutes until they're slightly cooler and have another one that I can actually chew and enjoy without scalding myself. And then when they're completely cool, I have to of course try another one to make sure they still taste good when they're cold. And then every time I walk into the kitchen, if they are not securely wrapped up, I compulsively take another one.

I am going to attempt to bake chocolate chip cookies today. As a test. To see if I've really changed. If I can make an entire batch without stuffing myself full of dough... it really will be a miracle. LOL

Anyway, as I type this I realize how incredibly ridiculous it is. And maybe I won't. Since it will be 60 degrees here today. I need to be outside enjoying every minute of it with my kids. I know the freezing temps are just around the corner. And it's always better to bake when it's cold. Either way I will let you know when I do. And how it goes.

Oh and by the way, also couldn't keep myself from the scale at Jazzercise yesterday.. 2-2-7! Yaaaayyy for it not taking another month to lose that pound from NJ.

Working out

I ran a mile tonight. It is getting cold here, and it makes running so much harder. I hate the feeling of breathing in cold air. Anyone have any tips for that? Because I am starting to enjoy my run, but hate the cold!

Anyway I feel good about myself because I ran a mile. Walked a lap. Then did the bleachers for as long as I could bare which honestly wasn't long. I probably went up and down about 10 times, and that's a generous estimate. Then I did a few minutes of ab work. It was good.

Then I came home and ate pulled pork and corn. Made french fries for Aaron and again didn't even want them. I didn't even have one. I can't even tell you how different that is from what is "normal" for me. Even if I didn't want one before, something would have compelled to have "just one" because where's the harm in just one?

I think a lot of this stemmed from a moment sitting on my bed last week. I was kind of slouching in jeans that were a bit too small, with a shirt a bit too tight, and I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror and was kind of horrified. Like I said before, I have a pretty good body image. Most of the time I feel good when I look in the mirror. I don't see fatness, I see pretty eyes, and sometimes I like my hair, and sometimes I even think my boobs look good. But occasionally I see acne and flat lifeless hair with a few premature grays, (are they still considered premature if I'm 26?) and blubber. The day I'm talking about, was of the former mindset. And the thought just came. The chub I saw was the result of "just a bite", "one more taste" and dessert when I was already full. It was the result of years of mindless eating, extra snacking, etc. And I said a prayer. That Heavenly Father would help me overcome this. This one specific thing. That I wouldn't eat it if I didn't really want it. I don't know how many people have trouble eating stuff they don't even want, but I do... did... do? Anyway since that moment I seem to have really no problem stopping myself.

Today I built a gingerbread house thing with Olivia. There were gobs of candy and frosting. All of which would normally had ended up in my mouth. We threw away a great deal of candy and frosting. I ate once piece and felt so gross. Previously I would have continued to eat it anyway, without even thinking about it. But today I didn't. And the big thing is, it wasn't forced. I wasn't even trying to not eat it. It was effortless. Aaahh I'm so excited about this. And also nervous that it won't last. That I'll just break or something and go back to my old ways. But for now I'll enjoy it, and continue working at it. I'm actually looking forward to weighing myself Friday.

Miracles

So I've made weight loss a great matter of prayer lately. Every scripture I've read, I've seemed to be able to apply in some obscure way to to weight loss. And this past Friday it was SO easy. There was zero temptation to break my own rules. I had an almost perfect day. Then Saturday at Super Saturday there was a table full of delicious food. Pumpkiny treats, doughnuts, cookies, etc. I took a banana and was happy about it. The doughnuts didn't even look tempting... AND THEY WERE KRISPY KREMES! (Or however they spell it). I swear doughnuts are such a weakness for me, I once told Aaron I had to literally make a conscious decision every day to NOT have a doughnut. Literally, every time I got in the car, I debated driving to the nearest Basha's and getting myself a doughnut. So for there to be a table of them in front of me, and to not even WANT one. Well, that was huge for me. Sunday was a fast Sunday, so that was that. When I did finally eat I went a little nuts, downing 2 cheese sticks and 2 pieces of whole wheat bread in less than 5 minutes. But at least it wasn't chocolate chip cookies, or something else much less healthy. Today I ate a cheese stick for breakfast, which I regret, because it's obviously not a very balanced meal. Anyway... something's changed. Maybe all this work is changing my attitude, but I consider it nothing short of a miracle. Really. I think Heavenly Father has helped changed my heart towards health.

I love Monday!

I really do love Monday. I feel like it's a fresh start. A new day and a new week. I am going to weigh myself at Jazzercise Friday. I really need to get batteries for my scale at home. Maybe I'll do that today.

My new healthy challenge for this week is to add more fresh fruits and veggies to every meal. I read over at TrainerMomma that half your plate should be veggies or fruit.

Also I just saw the weather this week and it looks like its going to be pretty nice all week so I am going to run 3 days week.

I did really good with my eating this weekend. But I didn't work out at all. I feel the need to eat more when I work out. Which planted a little seed of thought that maybe I shouldn't start working out again until I get my eating habits figured out. But to be perfectly honest I enjoy the escape of running. And I haven't run in a week and this teenie tiny part of me actually misses it.

Doing pretty good

Just reporting in, bloggity blog. Yesterday we went to Sam's Club and I couldn't resist the samples. They're just samples right! But I know they add up and I wish I ate a couple less. I had my shake for lunch and a healthy dinner. Today I had some pumpkin bread for lunch at a Relief Society thing. I should have had 1 less slice. But at least I stayed away from the cinnamon rolls! I haven't made it to Jazzercise since we've been back, but I will on Monday. And I still worked out in my house. Not nearly as hard as I do at Jazzercise, but better than nothing.

I'm feeling really good about my latest efforts.

My new goal

So this week I am going to be drastic. Maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe this will backfire. But I'm going to try. My new plan:

Breakfast - Kashi Go Lean Crunch w/ skim milk

Lunch - Weight loss shake

Dinner - A sensible Doc Oz approved dinner. I'll get back to post recipes.

Only snacks will be fruits or veggies.

I know I didn't want to do something I couldn't stick with. And I know I won't live on a weight loss shake for lunch every day for the rest of my life. But for now it's what I need. I think. Plus I'll still follow my basic rules: Drink a gallon of water, no eating past 8:00 pm, nothing with more than 12 grams of sugar per serving. Plus I'm going to work out really hard. Like super harder than ever.

See ya 229!!

:(

So I gained a pound in NJ.

I ran once while I was there. I was half hearted in my attempt to eat well. So what could I expect really.

My body is not the body I had before I had children. I am coming to accept that.

I need to work harder than I have ever had to work before. I am willing to do it.

Today I ate a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner. Instead of ice cream I had a handful of chocolate chips and a glass of skim milk. I didn't work out, but I have a good excuse. We were really busy getting settled back in from our trip. I will tomorrow. Promise.

I have been feeling really crummy, because you know how hard I worked for that pound. I have been trying to find ways to still feel good about myself, despite my weight. Working on it.