Anyway I feel good about myself because I ran a mile. Walked a lap. Then did the bleachers for as long as I could bare which honestly wasn't long. I probably went up and down about 10 times, and that's a generous estimate. Then I did a few minutes of ab work. It was good.
Then I came home and ate pulled pork and corn. Made french fries for Aaron and again didn't even want them. I didn't even have one. I can't even tell you how different that is from what is "normal" for me. Even if I didn't want one before, something would have compelled to have "just one" because where's the harm in just one?
I think a lot of this stemmed from a moment sitting on my bed last week. I was kind of slouching in jeans that were a bit too small, with a shirt a bit too tight, and I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror and was kind of horrified. Like I said before, I have a pretty good body image. Most of the time I feel good when I look in the mirror. I don't see fatness, I see pretty eyes, and sometimes I like my hair, and sometimes I even think my boobs look good. But occasionally I see acne and flat lifeless hair with a few premature grays, (are they still considered premature if I'm 26?) and blubber. The day I'm talking about, was of the former mindset. And the thought just came. The chub I saw was the result of "just a bite", "one more taste" and dessert when I was already full. It was the result of years of mindless eating, extra snacking, etc. And I said a prayer. That Heavenly Father would help me overcome this. This one specific thing. That I wouldn't eat it if I didn't really want it. I don't know how many people have trouble eating stuff they don't even want, but I do... did... do? Anyway since that moment I seem to have really no problem stopping myself.
Today I built a gingerbread house thing with Olivia. There were gobs of candy and frosting. All of which would normally had ended up in my mouth. We threw away a great deal of candy and frosting. I ate once piece and felt so gross. Previously I would have continued to eat it anyway, without even thinking about it. But today I didn't. And the big thing is, it wasn't forced. I wasn't even trying to not eat it. It was effortless. Aaahh I'm so excited about this. And also nervous that it won't last. That I'll just break or something and go back to my old ways. But for now I'll enjoy it, and continue working at it. I'm actually looking forward to weighing myself Friday.
Yay! It really sounds like you've come to a turning point. And holy moly, you ran AND did the bleachers?? I hope you're really proud of that because it's awesome!
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