Sorry seriously when I started this blog I imagined losing weight every week. Updating with pictures of my hot new skinny self.
And I've pretty much remained the same weight for the past 60 posts. Up and down a few pounds, but overall the same.
So sorry. I don't know how anyone still reads this.
Sometimes I'm also at a loss because I feel like I'm doing all the right things. I mean sure every once and a while I cheat a bit. But I have never eaten a box of oreos. Or an entire pizza. Or anything crazy like that. Yesterday my big treat was that I had cheddar cheese and whole wheat crackers. About an oz of cheese and 6 crackers. I eat Kashi Go Lean Crunch with skim milk every morning for breakfast. I have a salad for lunch. I eat snacks of walnuts or fruit. Maybe dinner is what kills for me? Last night I had a steak and broccoli and brown rice. But I put butter on the rice. And I ate like a cup of it. And I put olive oil and salt on the broccoli. But I used to eat bagels saturated with butter for breakfast. And peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and cookies for lunch. Shouldn't that change alone be enough to warrant weight loss? Seriously screw all this small changes stuff!!
I exercise. Maybe not as consistently as I should, but always at least twice or three times a week. Going from nothing to something - again doesn't that warrant something??
Anyway I am not going to stop doing these things. And I'm going to focus on exercising every day not just a few times a week.
And working on the YOU on a Diet stuff. There are a lot of rules with it so I'm working on it. I also decided that I don't care how long it takes. I am going to get to my goal. I don't care if it's by the time I'm 30. It's process. Apparently a really long one for me.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
My thoughts on YOU On A Diet
I've been reading this book in my spare time for the past week. I've enjoyed it. I've learned a lot about my body. Like I'm learning the same words my husband is learning in his anatomy class! Okay a little less in depth than that, but it's very educational, on a very basic level. Here's a quick summary of what I've learned:
Losing weight is about changing your brain chemistry by eating the right foods. If you are trying to fight the battle of the bulge with sheer willpower you will lose 98% of the time. You psych yourself up, tell yourself you can do it, you are smart, you are strong, you can resist the twinkies. But eventually you'll cave. Because the chemistry signals from your brain are strong. In the book you actually learn the name of all the chemicals, what parts of the brain are involved, etc.
Starvation mode is real. When you fast for more than 12 hours your metabolism drops by 40%. Which is why eating breakfast is so important. You lose weight by eating. The right foods of course.
Anyway I just hit a part this is my absolute favorite so far because it summarizes my emotions perfectly. I'm actually going to try to copy it word for word because I love it so much. I hope I'm not breaking any copyright laws.
One of the psychological realities of being overweight is that many dieters - that is, people who know they need to lose weight and want to - are somewhat comfortable with their bodies. Yes, that body that may be twenty, thirty, forty, or more pounds heavier than it was the day she turned 18. But maybe she's used to post pregnancy weight, she enjoys Friday lunches with her friends, or she can't face a total wardrobe overhaul. It's who she is - and she's more comfortable living her life at that level than going through the struggles and hard work (not to mention the guilt and shame) of trying to shed weight.
So the dieter has two choices: She can remain on top of the hill where she's currently standing and (relatively) comfortable. Or she can try to get to the top of that beautiful mountain in the distance - the ultimate destination for all of her weight-loss goals. There, on the mountain, she'll find smaller sizes, leaf size bikinis..., higher self esteem and probably few health risks. Maybe that's where she'd ideally like to be. But the problem is that there's no easy bridge from that comfort zone of the hill to the peak of the mountain. To get there, she she must travel all the way down from her current comfort level, hit some rough terrain along the way, then climb, climb, climb, her way up this seemingly insurmountable incline. So she asks: Is it worth it to go through all the hard work to reach the top of the ideal mountain, or am I comfortable enough with where I'm standing right now?
It's easier to stay at the current comfort level at a less than ideal size than it is to go through a short period of somewhat uncomortable change - doing things like developing a physical activity program, or avoiding drive-throughs, or changing menus, or going through periods of hunger and irritability.....
So what we have to do is build that bridge - that bridge of smart food choices, of exercise discipline, or working smart, not hard. And we have to support the bridge with strategies and tactics that allow you to make wrong steps without falling completely into the abyss of chocolate nougat. How do we do it? By getting started. Right now. With small steps that lead to big changes.
Sometimes we think motivation to start a program has to come first, but oftentimes the motivation comes after the action: Make a small change (be it walking 30 minutes a day, or eating nuts before dinner to keep you full) and suddenly you feel motivated to make more changes - and to succeed.
[And then talks a bit about the program that it's in the following chapters]
Okay so this is so me. I am pretty comfortable where I'm at. But I do want to be at the top of that beautiful mountain. I thought this was a great analogy. And I can expound much more but I have babies needing my attention. And sorry if there are a million typos in this post, I've had babies on my lap, stealing my book, and writing on my legs while I've typed.
Losing weight is about changing your brain chemistry by eating the right foods. If you are trying to fight the battle of the bulge with sheer willpower you will lose 98% of the time. You psych yourself up, tell yourself you can do it, you are smart, you are strong, you can resist the twinkies. But eventually you'll cave. Because the chemistry signals from your brain are strong. In the book you actually learn the name of all the chemicals, what parts of the brain are involved, etc.
Starvation mode is real. When you fast for more than 12 hours your metabolism drops by 40%. Which is why eating breakfast is so important. You lose weight by eating. The right foods of course.
Anyway I just hit a part this is my absolute favorite so far because it summarizes my emotions perfectly. I'm actually going to try to copy it word for word because I love it so much. I hope I'm not breaking any copyright laws.
One of the psychological realities of being overweight is that many dieters - that is, people who know they need to lose weight and want to - are somewhat comfortable with their bodies. Yes, that body that may be twenty, thirty, forty, or more pounds heavier than it was the day she turned 18. But maybe she's used to post pregnancy weight, she enjoys Friday lunches with her friends, or she can't face a total wardrobe overhaul. It's who she is - and she's more comfortable living her life at that level than going through the struggles and hard work (not to mention the guilt and shame) of trying to shed weight.
So the dieter has two choices: She can remain on top of the hill where she's currently standing and (relatively) comfortable. Or she can try to get to the top of that beautiful mountain in the distance - the ultimate destination for all of her weight-loss goals. There, on the mountain, she'll find smaller sizes, leaf size bikinis..., higher self esteem and probably few health risks. Maybe that's where she'd ideally like to be. But the problem is that there's no easy bridge from that comfort zone of the hill to the peak of the mountain. To get there, she she must travel all the way down from her current comfort level, hit some rough terrain along the way, then climb, climb, climb, her way up this seemingly insurmountable incline. So she asks: Is it worth it to go through all the hard work to reach the top of the ideal mountain, or am I comfortable enough with where I'm standing right now?
It's easier to stay at the current comfort level at a less than ideal size than it is to go through a short period of somewhat uncomortable change - doing things like developing a physical activity program, or avoiding drive-throughs, or changing menus, or going through periods of hunger and irritability.....
So what we have to do is build that bridge - that bridge of smart food choices, of exercise discipline, or working smart, not hard. And we have to support the bridge with strategies and tactics that allow you to make wrong steps without falling completely into the abyss of chocolate nougat. How do we do it? By getting started. Right now. With small steps that lead to big changes.
Sometimes we think motivation to start a program has to come first, but oftentimes the motivation comes after the action: Make a small change (be it walking 30 minutes a day, or eating nuts before dinner to keep you full) and suddenly you feel motivated to make more changes - and to succeed.
[And then talks a bit about the program that it's in the following chapters]
Okay so this is so me. I am pretty comfortable where I'm at. But I do want to be at the top of that beautiful mountain. I thought this was a great analogy. And I can expound much more but I have babies needing my attention. And sorry if there are a million typos in this post, I've had babies on my lap, stealing my book, and writing on my legs while I've typed.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
YOU-Turns
So I'm reading YOU on Diet. Have I mentioned that here yet? I love it. It's fascinating. I am learning a lot. One concept the author writes is YOU-Turns. You are going to screw up. Make a You-turn. This past week I have had nothing but Kashi Go Lean crunch for breakfast, and salads for lunch. Healthy salads even. Today I had a raging headache. Eating eases it somehow. So before I knew it, I had devoured a Kashi Crunch bar, about an ounce of cheddar cheese, 2 slices of wheat bread with butter, and as many bites of my kids soup as I could sneak. Oh and then a few bits of left over ribs. HOLY CRAP.
So making a You-Turn right now. Drinking lots of water. And I'll eat a sensible dinner. They entire day is not a waste because I over did it this morning. And I'll work out today. And drink more water.
So making a You-Turn right now. Drinking lots of water. And I'll eat a sensible dinner. They entire day is not a waste because I over did it this morning. And I'll work out today. And drink more water.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
So I jazzed it up today. I have been really pushing myself to work harder and dig deeper during those workouts. I also challenged myself to just move more in general. Instead of just standing still I fidgeted, bounced, etc. I totally overate at dinner though. I just couldn't stop myself. I made pork ribs and they were just sooo yummy. I feel kind of sick now though. Def not good to eat to the point of nausea. Esp not when wanting to lose weight. I drank a lot of water. I probably could have drank more. Tomorrow.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Best Low Fat Brownies Ever
This is seriously the best brownie recipe ever. The fact that they are low fat is just a bonus. Only ingredients...
1 can of black beans
1 package low fat brownie mix
About half the package of dark chocolate chips.
That's it. No eggs. No oil. And if you want you can omit the chocolate chips, but I think they add a lot of yumminess for not too much calories or fat.
So all you do, open can of beans. Plug your nose because black beans seriously stink. Rinse beans. Put in blender, with 1 cup of water. Blend a while, until it's liquid and smooth. Add to brownie mix. Stir in chocolate chips. Bake according to directions on brownie box.
I've mixed them up a bit by adding coconut and walnuts on top. Or making cheesecake brownies with Nufactel (or however you spell that cream cheese, that's 1/3 the fat or whatever).
Honestly you have to try it to believe it. I never dreamed they would taste so good, be so chewy and they are packed with protein and fiber. Awesome! Obviously not a health food, but much better than some other dessert options.
1 can of black beans
1 package low fat brownie mix
About half the package of dark chocolate chips.
That's it. No eggs. No oil. And if you want you can omit the chocolate chips, but I think they add a lot of yumminess for not too much calories or fat.
So all you do, open can of beans. Plug your nose because black beans seriously stink. Rinse beans. Put in blender, with 1 cup of water. Blend a while, until it's liquid and smooth. Add to brownie mix. Stir in chocolate chips. Bake according to directions on brownie box.
I've mixed them up a bit by adding coconut and walnuts on top. Or making cheesecake brownies with Nufactel (or however you spell that cream cheese, that's 1/3 the fat or whatever).
Honestly you have to try it to believe it. I never dreamed they would taste so good, be so chewy and they are packed with protein and fiber. Awesome! Obviously not a health food, but much better than some other dessert options.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Daily Goal 2
Totally rocked that goal on Saturday. Drank lots of water.
Goal for today - Go to Jazzercise and push myself as hard as I can.
Goal for today - Go to Jazzercise and push myself as hard as I can.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Daily Goals
I'm going to try to post a goal every day. It may be the exact same thing every day for a while. But I'm just trying to go one day at a time.
Today's goal - Drink a 2 Liter bottle of water.
Also, I kind of cheated a little bit with the sugar fast. I had some fresh blueberries, and just thought they'd be so much better in muffins. They were sweetened with honey and 1/2 c of brown sugar. They were also 100% whole wheat, so I justified it that way. It kind of helped quenched my baking desire. With all this snow I have been dying to bake something. Now I'm just trying not to eat the entire pan of them by myself.
Today's goal - Drink a 2 Liter bottle of water.
Also, I kind of cheated a little bit with the sugar fast. I had some fresh blueberries, and just thought they'd be so much better in muffins. They were sweetened with honey and 1/2 c of brown sugar. They were also 100% whole wheat, so I justified it that way. It kind of helped quenched my baking desire. With all this snow I have been dying to bake something. Now I'm just trying not to eat the entire pan of them by myself.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Sometimes I forget anyone reads this blog
So I kind of think of this as my private blog. Even though I know it isn't private at all. And I don't want it to be. I like the accountability of knowing people are reading. But then sometimes I have to remember I have an audience and maybe I should be more specific about things. IDK. Anyway ... the sugar fast is still going. I'm slightly dying to bake cookies. Seriously. Every night after dinner I crave something sweet like crazy. But I'm going until Feb. We're doing it. It's been fun to do with Aaron really. And we usually eat ice cream at least once a week. I miss it. I'm hoping it's true what they say, about staying away from refined sugars, you stop craving them after a month or so. We'll see. And in full disclosure, I cheated a little. More like forgot. That Kool-Aid has a lot of sugar. And drinks totally count. But that's been it.
I'm always working on improving myself. I think I need to work a bit more on loving myself. I'm not giving up on my weight loss journey. But I need to do something mentally. I'm always thinking about my weight. I don't know how to stop thinking about my weight. Seriously, it's everything. I'll even be feeling good about myself, like "Wow I cooked such a healthy delicious dinner tonight... but I'm fat." Or "I'm a great mom!... but I'm fat." Or worse... "I suck at doing laundry AND I'm fat!"
I don't know how to make it go away. I'm going to try to just stop thinking that one phrase. I'm going to try to focus on the positive things about my body. And I'm going to continue to exercise, eat right, yadda yadda yadda.
This week I'm focusing on exercise. I haven't made it to Jazzercise this week yet, but I'm going tomorrow. I did dance with my kids last night for 30 minutes, and I did sit ups tonight. I'm trying to just do SOMETHING every day. Somedays it may be a really hard workout like Jazzercise or 30 Day Shred, some days it might just be sit ups while watching Monk on Netflix. But something every day.
Now it's time for bed.
I'm always working on improving myself. I think I need to work a bit more on loving myself. I'm not giving up on my weight loss journey. But I need to do something mentally. I'm always thinking about my weight. I don't know how to stop thinking about my weight. Seriously, it's everything. I'll even be feeling good about myself, like "Wow I cooked such a healthy delicious dinner tonight... but I'm fat." Or "I'm a great mom!... but I'm fat." Or worse... "I suck at doing laundry AND I'm fat!"
I don't know how to make it go away. I'm going to try to just stop thinking that one phrase. I'm going to try to focus on the positive things about my body. And I'm going to continue to exercise, eat right, yadda yadda yadda.
This week I'm focusing on exercise. I haven't made it to Jazzercise this week yet, but I'm going tomorrow. I did dance with my kids last night for 30 minutes, and I did sit ups tonight. I'm trying to just do SOMETHING every day. Somedays it may be a really hard workout like Jazzercise or 30 Day Shred, some days it might just be sit ups while watching Monk on Netflix. But something every day.
Now it's time for bed.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Can I do both?
So I read that article I posted about yesterday. And I was all like YEAH no more scale! Yeah eat until I'm full! Only exercise when it feels good!
And then today I weighed myself. Just to see.
228.
Almost back where I started.
I cried. This up and down and up down with these 5 pounds is driving me nuts.
I hate the way I look. Every time I look in the mirror I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like my husband is disgusted with me too. Or at least wishes I was smaller. He doesn't do anything to make me feel this way. In fact he's always telling me I'm too hard on myself. But I just can't imagine him not wishing I was smaller. I've gained a lot of weight since we got married. I was 180ish when we got married. Two kids, and 5 and a half years later and I'm 228. That's unacceptable to me.
So I want to feel good about my body. How do I do that without losing weight? I want to feel good about THIS body. And my skinny body that exists somewhere in here.
Me and working out don't seem to mix. I seem to GAIN weight when I work out. I think it has to do with the fact that I get so tired from working out so hard, I tend to move a lot less throughout the rest of the day. And I think I worked out so I can eat a little more. I try not to do this, but it's the only explanation I can find for why on days I work out I weigh more.
So I guess my problem with the article I posted is that I think I need to do both. I need to get my weight down, and feel good about myself. And Janna Dean kind of says you need to love yourself where you're at. And not fight your body.
So I'm going to try to find a middle. But seriously I just want to stop eating forever right now. I wish there was a magic pill out there. I never knew losing weight could be this hard.
And then today I weighed myself. Just to see.
228.
Almost back where I started.
I cried. This up and down and up down with these 5 pounds is driving me nuts.
I hate the way I look. Every time I look in the mirror I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like my husband is disgusted with me too. Or at least wishes I was smaller. He doesn't do anything to make me feel this way. In fact he's always telling me I'm too hard on myself. But I just can't imagine him not wishing I was smaller. I've gained a lot of weight since we got married. I was 180ish when we got married. Two kids, and 5 and a half years later and I'm 228. That's unacceptable to me.
So I want to feel good about my body. How do I do that without losing weight? I want to feel good about THIS body. And my skinny body that exists somewhere in here.
Me and working out don't seem to mix. I seem to GAIN weight when I work out. I think it has to do with the fact that I get so tired from working out so hard, I tend to move a lot less throughout the rest of the day. And I think I worked out so I can eat a little more. I try not to do this, but it's the only explanation I can find for why on days I work out I weigh more.
So I guess my problem with the article I posted is that I think I need to do both. I need to get my weight down, and feel good about myself. And Janna Dean kind of says you need to love yourself where you're at. And not fight your body.
So I'm going to try to find a middle. But seriously I just want to stop eating forever right now. I wish there was a magic pill out there. I never knew losing weight could be this hard.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
C. Jane. healing posts
I read C. Jane's blog. And I love it. She's one of my favs. Anyway she started a series on healing. And I really liked the first post. You can read the whole article here. She has a guest blogger - Janna Dean. She says our resolutions shouldn't be about our bodies, but our body image. And these are her suggestions:
Throw away your scale and quit weighing yourself.
· Eliminate “fat talk” about yourself or anyone else.
· Honor your body—eat when you are hungry, stop when you are full.
· Say something positive about yourself every day.
· Make a list of 3 things your body did well each day.
· Express gratitude daily to those you love.
· Acknowledge that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and are beautiful in their own right—beauty is subjective.
· Exercise when it feels good and stop when it doesn’t .
· Become a critical viewer of the media. Acknowledge the insane standards set forth for us and laugh about the impossibility of it all and put your energy into something that will strengthen you.
· Make a commitment to give up conversations about dieting, calories, weight, etc.
· Work on developing areas in your life that you are passionate about. You will be beautiful when you love yourself.
So I'm not sure I can do it. I'm kind of obsessed with my scale. But this sounds more like what I want. But skinnyness is what I want. But why? Because of media. I guess. I don't know if I can give up my scale. But it's so true. I really do let my self worth go up and down with the numbers on the scale. I also loved when she said you will be beautiful when you love yourself. I do love myself. But I really struggle with my body. I mean did you see that picture I posted? But I'm going to start working on this more. I think. I just read the article and I'm digesting it. I'll sleep on it and see how I feel.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Sugar Fast
Aaron and I are going 30 days without refined sugars. But I'm kind of sucking at it. I "taxed" my kids fruit snacks by 1 each. And I drank a large helping of hot chocolate after playing in the snow today. It could be worse, I guess. But I'm trying. We are going to NJ for 6 weeks this summer and I want to wear a bathing suit at the beach without feeling like a whale. I want to lose 40lbs. By June 12th. But I'm going to start with a small goal. I want to lose 10lbs by Feb. 1st.
10lbs in 3.5 weeks. Totally doable. I'm weighing myself every day. Yesterday I was 224. Today I was 227. I hope that was just a fluctuation and I didn't gain 3lbs in a day. I'm going to weigh myself officially every Friday. So I guess I'll use the 227. So by Feb. 1st I'm going to be 217.
I've gone to Jazzercise twice this year. My goal is 3 times a week. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I'm doing it.
10lbs in 3.5 weeks. Totally doable. I'm weighing myself every day. Yesterday I was 224. Today I was 227. I hope that was just a fluctuation and I didn't gain 3lbs in a day. I'm going to weigh myself officially every Friday. So I guess I'll use the 227. So by Feb. 1st I'm going to be 217.
I've gone to Jazzercise twice this year. My goal is 3 times a week. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I'm doing it.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Can't believe I'm posting this
Monday, January 3, 2011
My favorite weight loss lunch
Organic leafy greens... the kind that come in a plastic box. Left over pulled bbq pork. A tiny bit of cheddar cheese. Top greens with pork, sprinkle cheese. And nothing washes it down better than a giant glass of ice water. Yum.
I think I'll eat this every day until I get sick of it.
I think I'll eat this every day until I get sick of it.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
kind of good news
I'm still 225.
And I spent 2 weeks in Arizona/California eating whatever I wanted.
But it's a new year, and I have a renewed energy. I had a little pregnancy scare and seriously couldn't stomach the thought of STARTING a pregnancy at 225. I am glad I am NOT pregnant for many reasons, but my weight is a big one. And it's my main motivation right now. I want another baby. But I want to be skinny first. Or at least a "healthy" weight.
So back to getting back on track. I am going to start by drinking lots of water and taking lots of Reliv, and exercising daily.
I reeeeeally thought I was going to be over 230 when I got home. I am shocked that I didn't gain any weight. I really don't understand weight loss. I can do so well and weigh 225... or I can not work out at all, eat whatever I want and weigh 225.
I need to have more faith in the principles of weight loss. Move more, eat less, lose weight. Right?
And I spent 2 weeks in Arizona/California eating whatever I wanted.
But it's a new year, and I have a renewed energy. I had a little pregnancy scare and seriously couldn't stomach the thought of STARTING a pregnancy at 225. I am glad I am NOT pregnant for many reasons, but my weight is a big one. And it's my main motivation right now. I want another baby. But I want to be skinny first. Or at least a "healthy" weight.
So back to getting back on track. I am going to start by drinking lots of water and taking lots of Reliv, and exercising daily.
I reeeeeally thought I was going to be over 230 when I got home. I am shocked that I didn't gain any weight. I really don't understand weight loss. I can do so well and weigh 225... or I can not work out at all, eat whatever I want and weigh 225.
I need to have more faith in the principles of weight loss. Move more, eat less, lose weight. Right?
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