How to gain 3 lbs in 2 days.

First - get in a funk and feel really crappy about yourself.
Second - don't exercise at all.
Thirdly - take your kids to a cookie buffet and eat as much as you want.
Fourth - Stop eating a healthy breakfast.

And that should about do it. Impressive, right?

Okay I'm getting tired of saying this, but really. I have a vision of what I want to look like. What I want to be. I need to make sure everything I do helps me reach that goal. Not deters from it. I'm going to start praying about it again. This is a spiritual as much as a physical journey.

And I really want to run. It was therapeutic and I miss it. Going to find a way.

So yeah 225.6. Let's not talk about that. And I feel like crap. C'mon Monday, do your best.

meh.

I really need to get back in the habit of exercising. I picked on a lot of junk today. And then I made these ridiculous doughnuts. And ate three of them. One thing I am going to start being perfect at is taking my reliv. I have been feeling like crapola lately. I was diagnosed with Epstein Barr(bahr?) when I was like 15. Lately I have been feeling like things are getting worse. My joints hurt. I'm tired all. the time. I feel crabby. I don't even want to care about being fat. I just don't feel good. And I haven't been taking my reliv. I hope this doesn't come across as sounding like I'm endorsing or selling something on my blog. I'm not, so who cares? But I know when I take it, I feel better. Like a thousand times better. So I took it tonight. And my single solitary only goal from now to Christmas is to take Reliv twice a day.

I'm hoping that by doing this I'll feel better, and in turn lose weight. We'll see. I am also starting to get a little obsessed with the scale. 223 as of this morning. Time goes so fast when you're trying to lose weight. When I wrote about that last goal to be 200 by Christmas, Christmas seemed so far away. Now it seems so close.

I also think sleeping better would obviously help me feel better. So if anyone out there in the universe knows a way to get my kids to sleep past 5:30, I'm open to suggestions.

I kinda suck at this

224.3 people.   :(    And yesterday was "fast Sunday".

At least it's Monday. Fresh start.

depressed

So I'm in a bit of a funk. I was doing so well before Thanksgiving. I haven't worked out since Thanksgiving. My skin is broken out. And I'm 2 pounds HEAVIER than I was last week. I saw a picture of myself that made me want to die.

And I can't even blame my Mirena.

Well since it's only been a month and a half since it's been out maybe my body is still balancing out?

It's depressing to have your baby turn 1, and still weigh more than you did when you got pregnant.

And seriously why do I still have acne?? It used to bother me a lot as a teenager, than I stopped caring about it, and now that I'm in my mid-twenties it's bothering me again. I mean really I do not want to have gray hair and zits.

So I read today this person stopped breaking out after removing dairy, sugar and gluten from her diet she stopped breaking out. I wish I could do that. I really don't think I could. I also feel like people who are on strict diets like kind of let that define them. I don't want to become what I eat. It's just what I eat. Not who I am. Ya know? Ugh. I'll get there, right.

Cilantro Lime Shrimp

This is so yummy. Have I posted the recipe before?

It's from skinnytaste.com. This is the first recipe I tried from there. I just found it by googling "cilantro lime shrimp". This is seriously soooo good. Like so so good. I served it with white rice. I know, I know, whole grains and brown is soo much better, and 9/10 I use brown rice, but this just goes so well with white. I used Jasmin rice, does that make it any better?

Cilantro Lime Shrimp
Gina's Weight Watcher Recipes
Servings: 4 • Serving Size: 6 oz • Points: 4 pts
Calories: 197.3 • Fat: 4.1g • Protein: 35.9 g • Carb: 2.4 g • Fiber: 0.1 g

• 2 tsp olive oil
• 2 lb shrimp, shelled and deviened
• 6 cloves garlic, crushed
• 1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro
• 1 lime
• salt and pepper

Heat a large frying pan on medium-high heat. Add oil to the pan, when hot addshrimp. Season with salt and pepper. When the shrimp is cooked on one side, about 2 minutes, turn over and add garlic. Sauté another minute or two until shrimp is cooked, careful not to overcook. Remove from heat. Squeeze lime all over shrimp and tosswith cilantro. Serve hot.

Thanksgiving

So when I got to my moms I was determined to stay on track. I woke up Thanksgiving morning and did my brother's Insanity workout DVD. It was so HARD! And then I did really good at eating on Thanksgiving. I had granola stuff for breakfast, did minimal picking while baking, had a protein shake for lunch (okay like 2 sips of a protein shake for lunch because it was sick to the nast and I just couldn't drink it). And then at dinner I just limited my portions. I seriously gave myself a pep talk before leaving for my aunts. Fill up on high protein foods. Avoid cheesey, startchy foods. For appetizers I stuck to the shrimp cocktail, dinner I had the norm, but more turkey than potatoes, and no gravy, and lots of veggies. Then dessert I had 1 piece of apple pie, and a cupcake. I did awesome!! I actually weighed myself when I got to my moms house, then again the day after Thanksgiving and I LOST half a pound. So I got all cocky and proud of myself and didn't work out at all again the rest of the time I was there. And I didn't really pay too much attention to what I was eating.

And now I'm paying for it.

223.

BLAAAHHHH.

I was 220 when we left. I worked so hard for those 3 stinking pounds.

But I'm not dwelling on it. I'm going to just get right back on track.

And I have a new goal. I want to be a size 12 by my birthday. Which is October. Which is really far away. So I should be able to reach it easily, and then maintain it until my birthday. I really would like to be a size 12 by new years, but I don't want to get all discouraged when that doesn't happen. But when goals are really far away it's easy for me to put it off until it gets closer. So my short term goal is to lose 5 pounds this week. My plan again is Kashi for breakfast, weight loss shake for lunch, sensible dinner, and unlimited fruits and veggies. I'm limiting my exercise. I'm still going to work out, but not too crazy. For some reason I have found when I work out really hard it's hard for me to eat healthy. I'm getting that under control and then I'll work on working out more.

Early Weigh In

I realized I won't be home on Friday, and it will be the day after Thanksgiving. So I decided to weigh myself today. 221.0! Yay I am so excited and determined to keep this going.

My plan for Thanksgiving isn't much different than what I've been doing. I will have Kashi Go Lean Crunch for breakfast, weight loss shake for lunch. I will limit my portions at dinner, reminding myself that gorging myself isn't what the holiday is all about. I will also go for a run Thanksgiving morning.

It really has been easier lately. We'll see how I do under the temptation that is my mother's house.

New Batteries!

I put batteries in my scale... and *drum roll*

222.6!

I know it's a different scale... so I probably haven't lost 4 lbs since Monday. But I like it. So now I am going to have "official" weigh-ins. On Fridays. I know I'm a day late. But Friday seems like a good day to weigh in.

I have been doing better. Last night was a ward Thanksgiving party. I did pretty good limiting myself to one half sized slice of pumpkin pie for dessert and just a normal dinner. I have found certain foods make me over eat. I just can't stop myself from eating the entire bag of Oreo's. So I don't have any. Pretty much goes for anything sweet.

It's been kind of boring but pretty much what I've been eating every day:

Kashi Go Lean Crunch for breakfast.

Weight loss shake for lunch

Normal dinner.

Maybe a few little snacks here or there, but it's always fruits and vegetables.

I really want to do a race. I'm starting to enjoy my runs. Although it's seriously getting cold. I don't know what to do about that. There is an indoor track here I'm thinking of going to. But it's kind of far away and $10 a month isn't much, but when living on student loans it's not quite so easy. Especially when I'm already doing the babysitting at Jazzercise. So yeah we'll see about that.

I went to body sculpting this morning. I feel so tired now. I am really wondering if it's worth it to work out. Why is it better to work out than just eat less? This is something I've gone back and forth about it a lot. I have to remind myself I feel better when I work out. That's what it's all about. I enjoy it. Most of the time. But some days when I don't have much energy left it's just hard to get myself going.

But my new goal is to be 200 by Christmas. I have no idea how do-able that is. And if I don't do it, I won't give up. But I want to work towards it. I'd reeeally like to start the new year in a size 12, but I don't think that's very realistic. But I'm going to try.

Another habit that needs breaking

Some days as a mom of young kids are long. Really long. By the end of these long days I feel I deserve a little somethin' somethin' in the way of sweets. With every late night tear, and fit and scream the more I want it. I'm currently contemplating making cookie dough and eating it all. Every last drop.

But instead I'll write about it.

I have my period too. That doesn't help. I get crazy sweet cravings. And my stress levels go through the roof.

I am so grumpy right now!!!!! Not even with reason, I'm just grumpy. It's a hard feeling when your mom. Days almost over. I'll resist the cookies. I will resist the cookies.

Another pound!

I weighed myself today.. at Jazzercise. I will buy batteries for my scale today. And I will have "official weigh-in"s on Fridays. That's my new plan. But now to tell you my good news! I LOST another pound. Yaaaaaaay!! I am now 226. Which is only 3 pounds from 229... but 3 pounds in the right direction. I am excited. Esp since I felt kind of like I was already falling off the wagon. Today things are back to normal. My Kashi Go Lean Crunch for breakfast. Weight loss shake for lunch. I did sneak two fruit snacks from my daughter before giving them to her... but I won't cheat anymore today. Lettuce Wraps for dinner. Yumm-o. Can't wait. And I kind of hurt my back today lifting my kids, so I'm hesitant to Jazzercise or run today. We'll see how it goes. I'm not looking for excuses, I just really can't afford to seriously injure my back.

I really need batteries

So I've been slacking. The scale really is motivation for me. And I haven't weighed myself. And my rebirth of fitness has seemed to slightly fizzle. I baked cookies yesterday and ate 4 of them. And maybe a TBS of dough. I'm disappointed in myself, even though before this adventure it definitely would have been 12 cookies and like 3 or 5 TBS of dough. I just don't know why I lack so much self control.

Tonight we had Papa John's pizza for dinner. I had 3 cheese slices. And a salad. I wish I only had 2 pieces. I really thought that I passed some turning point in my life and that all of a sudden things would stay that easy.

Anyway kids are running a muck and need baths

Guiltless Alfredo

A disclaimer of sorts: I do not like Alfredo sauce. I never ever order it when we go out to eat. I've had it home made and still didn't really like it. I don't know... it's just not my thing. But I LOVE this recipe. It's on the weekly rotation at our house.

http://www.ourbestbites.com/2008/08/guiltless-alfredo-sauce.html

Find the full recipe there. But basically....

Combine in a blender:

2 C low-fat milk 1/3 C (3 oz) low fat cream cheese 2 T flour 1 t salt

In a Skillet. 1 T butter 3 garlic cloves ... saute just a few seconds. Then add milk mixture to skillet. Bring to boil. Simmer about 30 minutes, stirring frequently. Remove from heat. Add 1 C grated Parmesan cheese. Stir until cheese is melted. Let stand about 10 minutes.

I served this over Smart Taste pasta, with broccoli and shrimp.

Sooo gooooood!

If I'm being honest

I worked out once last week.

I am disappointed in myself because this was an area I was rocking for like 2 solid months.

I'd blame it on the weather, but it's been surprisingly nice out for mid November in Erie.

I have had sick kids. Been sick myself. So I guess I can cut myself a little slack, but not much. I definitely had time, and motivation, but obviously missing something.

I think it's my belief that I eat more when I work out. I feel entitled to a treat. And I actually do feel hungrier. I have been eating much less this week.

Except yesterday. I made tacos. And I ate probably a tablespoon a of beef, to "test" it while I cooked. And then I had to shred the cheese, and a few pieces of that somehow made its way to my mouth. And a wonderful soul from Arizona mailed us a package with chips and salsa from the best place in the world in Arizona. And Aaron and I kind of devoured them. But I did make myself a healthy salad for dinner. I had lettuce, taco meat, guacamole, a small amount of cheese, low fat refried beans. It was so yummy, and I'd guess around 600 calories, since I was kind of heavy on the meat.

Today is beautiful out. I am going to go for a run. Despite my pounding headache. And I didn't go to Jazzercise at all last week. Goal for next week is at least 3.

I have been pretty good at eating my Kashi Go Lean Crunch for breakfast. And then a weight loss shake for lunch. A couple of days I had a salad instead of the shake.

And I still haven't made cookies. I go visiting teaching tomorrow and I'm debating whether or not to bake them for the ladies I visit.

The ultimate test

The ultimate test

If it goes longer than, say a month, I start to get an itch. It starts to consume my thoughts. I begin to dream about it. Salivating at random intervals throughout the day....

Okay I'm exaggerating a bit. But seriously...

I need to bake some chocolate chip cookies.

I don't know why baking chocolate chip cookies is one of my all time favorite things to do. However, every single time I make them I am sure eat the equivalent of at least 4 cookies in dough alone. Then of course I have to eat one that came straight from the oven. Then I burn my tongue and don't really enjoy it... so I wait a few minutes until they're slightly cooler and have another one that I can actually chew and enjoy without scalding myself. And then when they're completely cool, I have to of course try another one to make sure they still taste good when they're cold. And then every time I walk into the kitchen, if they are not securely wrapped up, I compulsively take another one.

I am going to attempt to bake chocolate chip cookies today. As a test. To see if I've really changed. If I can make an entire batch without stuffing myself full of dough... it really will be a miracle. LOL

Anyway, as I type this I realize how incredibly ridiculous it is. And maybe I won't. Since it will be 60 degrees here today. I need to be outside enjoying every minute of it with my kids. I know the freezing temps are just around the corner. And it's always better to bake when it's cold. Either way I will let you know when I do. And how it goes.

Oh and by the way, also couldn't keep myself from the scale at Jazzercise yesterday.. 2-2-7! Yaaaayyy for it not taking another month to lose that pound from NJ.

Working out

I ran a mile tonight. It is getting cold here, and it makes running so much harder. I hate the feeling of breathing in cold air. Anyone have any tips for that? Because I am starting to enjoy my run, but hate the cold!

Anyway I feel good about myself because I ran a mile. Walked a lap. Then did the bleachers for as long as I could bare which honestly wasn't long. I probably went up and down about 10 times, and that's a generous estimate. Then I did a few minutes of ab work. It was good.

Then I came home and ate pulled pork and corn. Made french fries for Aaron and again didn't even want them. I didn't even have one. I can't even tell you how different that is from what is "normal" for me. Even if I didn't want one before, something would have compelled to have "just one" because where's the harm in just one?

I think a lot of this stemmed from a moment sitting on my bed last week. I was kind of slouching in jeans that were a bit too small, with a shirt a bit too tight, and I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror and was kind of horrified. Like I said before, I have a pretty good body image. Most of the time I feel good when I look in the mirror. I don't see fatness, I see pretty eyes, and sometimes I like my hair, and sometimes I even think my boobs look good. But occasionally I see acne and flat lifeless hair with a few premature grays, (are they still considered premature if I'm 26?) and blubber. The day I'm talking about, was of the former mindset. And the thought just came. The chub I saw was the result of "just a bite", "one more taste" and dessert when I was already full. It was the result of years of mindless eating, extra snacking, etc. And I said a prayer. That Heavenly Father would help me overcome this. This one specific thing. That I wouldn't eat it if I didn't really want it. I don't know how many people have trouble eating stuff they don't even want, but I do... did... do? Anyway since that moment I seem to have really no problem stopping myself.

Today I built a gingerbread house thing with Olivia. There were gobs of candy and frosting. All of which would normally had ended up in my mouth. We threw away a great deal of candy and frosting. I ate once piece and felt so gross. Previously I would have continued to eat it anyway, without even thinking about it. But today I didn't. And the big thing is, it wasn't forced. I wasn't even trying to not eat it. It was effortless. Aaahh I'm so excited about this. And also nervous that it won't last. That I'll just break or something and go back to my old ways. But for now I'll enjoy it, and continue working at it. I'm actually looking forward to weighing myself Friday.

Miracles

So I've made weight loss a great matter of prayer lately. Every scripture I've read, I've seemed to be able to apply in some obscure way to to weight loss. And this past Friday it was SO easy. There was zero temptation to break my own rules. I had an almost perfect day. Then Saturday at Super Saturday there was a table full of delicious food. Pumpkiny treats, doughnuts, cookies, etc. I took a banana and was happy about it. The doughnuts didn't even look tempting... AND THEY WERE KRISPY KREMES! (Or however they spell it). I swear doughnuts are such a weakness for me, I once told Aaron I had to literally make a conscious decision every day to NOT have a doughnut. Literally, every time I got in the car, I debated driving to the nearest Basha's and getting myself a doughnut. So for there to be a table of them in front of me, and to not even WANT one. Well, that was huge for me. Sunday was a fast Sunday, so that was that. When I did finally eat I went a little nuts, downing 2 cheese sticks and 2 pieces of whole wheat bread in less than 5 minutes. But at least it wasn't chocolate chip cookies, or something else much less healthy. Today I ate a cheese stick for breakfast, which I regret, because it's obviously not a very balanced meal. Anyway... something's changed. Maybe all this work is changing my attitude, but I consider it nothing short of a miracle. Really. I think Heavenly Father has helped changed my heart towards health.

I love Monday!

I really do love Monday. I feel like it's a fresh start. A new day and a new week. I am going to weigh myself at Jazzercise Friday. I really need to get batteries for my scale at home. Maybe I'll do that today.

My new healthy challenge for this week is to add more fresh fruits and veggies to every meal. I read over at TrainerMomma that half your plate should be veggies or fruit.

Also I just saw the weather this week and it looks like its going to be pretty nice all week so I am going to run 3 days week.

I did really good with my eating this weekend. But I didn't work out at all. I feel the need to eat more when I work out. Which planted a little seed of thought that maybe I shouldn't start working out again until I get my eating habits figured out. But to be perfectly honest I enjoy the escape of running. And I haven't run in a week and this teenie tiny part of me actually misses it.

Doing pretty good

Just reporting in, bloggity blog. Yesterday we went to Sam's Club and I couldn't resist the samples. They're just samples right! But I know they add up and I wish I ate a couple less. I had my shake for lunch and a healthy dinner. Today I had some pumpkin bread for lunch at a Relief Society thing. I should have had 1 less slice. But at least I stayed away from the cinnamon rolls! I haven't made it to Jazzercise since we've been back, but I will on Monday. And I still worked out in my house. Not nearly as hard as I do at Jazzercise, but better than nothing.

I'm feeling really good about my latest efforts.

My new goal

So this week I am going to be drastic. Maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe this will backfire. But I'm going to try. My new plan:

Breakfast - Kashi Go Lean Crunch w/ skim milk

Lunch - Weight loss shake

Dinner - A sensible Doc Oz approved dinner. I'll get back to post recipes.

Only snacks will be fruits or veggies.

I know I didn't want to do something I couldn't stick with. And I know I won't live on a weight loss shake for lunch every day for the rest of my life. But for now it's what I need. I think. Plus I'll still follow my basic rules: Drink a gallon of water, no eating past 8:00 pm, nothing with more than 12 grams of sugar per serving. Plus I'm going to work out really hard. Like super harder than ever.

See ya 229!!

:(

So I gained a pound in NJ.

I ran once while I was there. I was half hearted in my attempt to eat well. So what could I expect really.

My body is not the body I had before I had children. I am coming to accept that.

I need to work harder than I have ever had to work before. I am willing to do it.

Today I ate a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner. Instead of ice cream I had a handful of chocolate chips and a glass of skim milk. I didn't work out, but I have a good excuse. We were really busy getting settled back in from our trip. I will tomorrow. Promise.

I have been feeling really crummy, because you know how hard I worked for that pound. I have been trying to find ways to still feel good about myself, despite my weight. Working on it.

Healthy Challenge #2

Okay first of all I'm home in NJ. Well home, as in where my mom is. It's been a trying few days. I haven't stuck to any of my rules really. I had an adventure with Aaron yesterday where lots of sugary treats were devoured past 7:00pm. I didn't drink enough water. But tomorrow my goal is to have a good Monday.

That's it. Have a good Monday. Will you join me? It won't be too hard. It's just for Monday. Then Tuesday, we'll have a good Tuesday. But let's get off to a good start on Monday.

I'm going to run when I wake up. And I'm going to drink a gallon of water. And I'm only going to have one little piece of my baby's birthday cake. Because I'm pretty sure it's bad luck or something like that if I don't eat a piece. It'll be a good day.

I'm also going to do a pasta bar for baby's birthday. I'll have lots of yummy healthy options. Whole wheat pastas, and a few different sauces. And a great big salad. I'm so excited!

ONE POUND

Okay so it's been about a month since I last stepped on a scale. (Okay there was that one time at the doctor's on the 12th.) Other than I've tried to stay away from the scale. Tomorrow would have been a month since last weigh-in at 229. Today I weighed myself on the scale at Jazzercise. 228.

So many thoughts and emotions.

I feel like I've worked harder than 1 pound.

But maybe I haven't worked hard enough. Maybe I'm throwing toothpicks on a fire, and expecting a blaze as if I was using logs. But running/jogging 2 miles, and an hour of sweating my butt off cardio, doesn't feel like toothpicks. I've been eating healthy.

I guess I need to kick it up a few notches.

Then I start thinking. This is really as much as I can give right now. I mean I guess I could try a little harder. But I feel like I'm really trying to change my lifestyle. I don't want to do anything that I know I couldn't maintain my entire life. I don't want to lose weight only to gain it back again.

So if that it's it, than I shouldn't care about that stupid number. But I do!! It's so frustrating. I feel like what's the point of even working out at all if these are the results? I keep reminding myself that I'm working out for more than weight loss. But I really don't enjoy working out. I'm just hoping if I do it enough, and tell myself I love it, eventually I will. That whole fake til you make it gig.

I've been doing my best, but I think it's time for my best to get better. And I have a challenging time coming up. I am going to NJ for about a week. I always gain 5lbs whenever I go there. I am going to try to continue running while I'm there. And I'll be careful about what I eat. My goal will just be to not gain any weight while I'm there.

*sigh*

I am more than a number. My weight does not have any bearing on my worth. I am beautiful at any size.

Today was a good day

Today I woke up and ate a bowl of Kashi Go Lean Crunch. And a handful of pumpkin seeds because they were there. For lunch I had a bean cheese burrito with a whole wheat tortilla, and lots of salsa, no sour cream. (Actually I hate sour cream, but it makes it seem like a sacrifice if I mention it, right?) I had a banana and more and more pumpkin seeds throughout the day. For dinner I made cilantro lime jasmine rice, and Cuban black beans. It was so yummy!

I also ran another mile today! I walked for 2 minutes, ran for 2 minutes for about a mile. Then I decided to run the entire mile back. I wasn't going to. I was really tired today. And my feet still hurt. But then I just felt like running. It was like as soon as I gave myself permission NOT to run, I wanted to run. So I did. And I ran the entire mile in 11 minutes. That's probably a pretty pathetic time to most runners, but I am just impressed with myself for being to run an entire mile. I'll worry about my "time" as I get a little better at this sort of thing.

I also drank a gallon of water today. And I didn't eat anything with processed sugars (okay I had a sugar free, splenda sweetened ice pop, not sure if that counts). I sat on the couch and watched TV with the hubster without munching on anything. I really wanted ice cream, but I resisted. Thursday is when I wanted to weigh myself, but we'll be going out of town. So should I do it tomorrow? I guess so. I really don't think I've lost a pound. But I keep trying to get through my head, it's not about that. It's about changing myself. And the weight will come off. It has to. Right? Either that, or I'll just pregnant again and then it doesn't matter anyway.. KIDDING!

By the way I think tomorrow I'll blog about why I hate the Biggest Loser. Seriously losing 15lbs in a week can not be good! And if it is I want to be able to do it!!

I need to find a better way to deal with stress

The moment I start to feel the stress level around me rise, I instantly want to put something in my mouth. Tonight was particularly stressful with the kiddo's. Now that the hubs is graciously putting them to bed, all I want to do is stuff my face with the chocolate chip cookies I made today. I realize that this only hinders my goals, and even makes me feel gross since I'm already full. But really I am writing this post to keep myself from mindlessly entering the kitchen and downing 4 cookies before even thinking about it.

I do this all day long. And I get easily stressed out. Part of it is just lack of sleep lately. Another part is my poor coping strategies. I like to avoid things. Food helps me avoid, because food makes me happy. And I can think about delicious gooey chocolateness instead of screaming baby and disobedient toddler.

I think I should start meditating or something. Find my zen. Count to 10. Breathe. I'm sure there are plenty of ways besides eating my way to oblivion.

I also think if I keep my house cleaner, have more of a structured schedule, and always remember my morning prayers I will handle stress better. I'm really bad at these things. Messes automatically elevate my stress. I'm going to at least focus on that more this week. And I'm really thinking I might get a book on meditation.

So can I consider myself a "runner" now?

So I ran an ENTIRE mile without stopping. Not even once. I just kept chugging along. And I felt really great. I think I could have kept going, but I reeeaallly had to pee and that was seriously my biggest discomfort. And my calves were burning like crazy. And my feet hurt. I think I need new sneakers because I don't think your feet are supposed to hurt. Or are they? Then I walked a little further, than turned around and went back. I went a total of 3 miles. I am so pleased with myself.

It was really nice. Lake Erie is only a few minutes from our house, and there's a really beautiful park with a popular running/biking trail. Right now the leaves are all changing colors. The weather is perfect. My mind goes to weird a place when I run. I was pretending the birds chirping in the trees that surround the path were friends and family cheering me on. The leaves that were falling were confetti as I crossed the finish line (is there confetti in races? I doubt it, but oh well it was in my own little world).

I also looked at all the different leaves. Their different colors, shapes, sizes. I imagined if the largest leaf in a pile felt insecure about his large size. If the dull boring brown leaf was envious of the vibrant reds and oranges that surrounded her. If the red maple was really as confident as it looked, or was it really insecure about the few tiny holes no one else really noticed. And then I wondered.... am I really losing my mind? I am giving personality to leaves. And then I started thinking about wanting to go to a chiropractor. Yeah I don't get the connection either.

But YAY for 3 miles. And an entire one ran!

5 straight days of working out!!

Okay so I've had this goal forever to workout every day except Sunday. Something has always happened to be a good enough excuse to not do it. But I have worked out every single day since Monday. And worked out HARD!

Monday - Jazzercise for 60 minutes. And just in case you aren't familiar with the awesomeness that is Jazzercise, it's dance aerobics, and then strength training. It's my favorite way to work out. I like to pretend I'm just dancing, and not exercising, even though sweat is literally pouring off of me. And then the strength training is pretty intense, although varies a lot by teacher. Some instructors totally kick my butt, and others are a lot easier, but still a good workout.

Tuesday - Ran 2.4 miles while pushing about 60 lb of kid in stroller. I ran for a 1/10 of a mile, than walked a 1/10. Did that the whole time. Occasionally running 2/10. And sometimes walking a little longer because I was carrying about 35 of the 60lb of kids. It was a beautiful day. Hard workout but felt so good.

Wednesday - Jazz'd it up

Thurday - ran for 30 minutese. Up and down hills. I cried. It sucked.

Today - Again Jazz.

Tomorrow I plan on going for a "long" run. I don't know, I want to see if I can run 3 miles. And at least 1 without stopping. But it's kind of depending on the weather. I just don't have the dedication to run in freezing rain. But if it is raining I'll run up and down my stairs or something.

Yaaay for 5 days of exercise!!!

And now to NOT celebrate with delicious pumpkin cake......

More about body image

The time I felt the very best about my body was right after giving birth to my first baby girl. I remember coming home from the hospital and I was able to put my regular old jeans back on. I still had a little pouch, but it didn't bother me at all. I LOVED my body. I was amazed that this little person was created inside me. I gave birth to her. I was nourishing her with milk my body was creating just for her. It really didn't have anything to do with my weight, but more realizing the sheer miracle that was my body. I felt terrible for ever saying I hated my body, when it capable of such miracles.

Fast forward a few years later, right after I gave birth to second baby. I don't feel the same way at all! I remember when my dad first saw me after I had her and he was taken aback by how big my belly still was. And it still is. And while my body did the exact same thing it did the first time, and it's no less miraculous... somehow I just don't feel the same way. I wish I did. That was a good feeling. Maybe it does have a little to do with the fact that I still can't wear the jeans I wore before I got pregnant with her.

But, I don't totally hate my body. I'm not entirely uncomfortable in my skin. I do think my body is quite miraculous, and I'm grateful for it. And sometimes I look down, or look in the mirror and I don't think I'm really fat. I can't believe the number on the scale because I don't think I look like 227lbs or whatever I am. I think I have like the opposite of anorexic people, who really have distorted view of themselves and see themselves as much larger than they really are. I think I see myself smaller than I really am. And maybe that's a good thing?

But then I try to fit into pants that fit 2 years ago, and can't them over my rear. Or I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and see my belly and realize I looked better 6 months pregnant. And I cry. And then eat. Stress eater, remember? So I am definitely motivated to stick with my healthy new lifestyle. But I have bad moments. But I also realize that even the skinniest person probably feels fat some days. So I guess it's normal, and maybe I always will feel like this. But I'm starting to think more about body image than my actual body. I think it's more important to get a healthy body image, than a healthy body. Well maybe not more important than a healthy body, but at least more important than a skinny body. I know people who have lots tons of weight and still feel so insecure about their bodies. I don't want that to be me. I want to be happy with my body no matter what its size. I want to love this body, now. So I'll let you know how that goes, k?

Body Image

So I've been thinking about why I want to lose weight. And all these other thoughts with the body weight set theory and whatever. I am interested in researching all this. I'll write about it as I do. But what's on my mind right now is a confession.

I want to be skinny because I want people to be jealous of my hot bod.

Yeah that's it. I said it. I now look longingly at "skinny" people and I'm like DANG! I want that body. And I want people to look at me be like DANG! I want that body. And thing is I know that no matter how skinny I get, there will always be someone skinnier.

But why do I even care? My hubs loves me, curves and all. My kids love me. I don't have any known health issues. So shouldn't I just be happy being the way I am?

No, I want to be SKINNY! This totally contradicts my last posts, right? That's why it's a confession. I want to be all "Yeah, I'm just trying to be healthy" and I do. And I am. But the underlying reason, and really my greatest motivation is because I think skinny people are better respected. And well liked.

Maybe this is ridiculous. Maybe it's just my perception. But no one respects the fat people. Just for example, (and there are countless others) the governor of New Jersey, Chris Christi. Living in AZ during the election I didn't hear much about him or his politics. All I heard was about his weight. Like seriously?! I just feel like if I lose weight and fit into a size 12 or 10 I would get more respect. From who? I really don't know.

So it's not pretty. But that's the truth. I just wanna be skinny.

Okay it's nap time

Okay so the littlest one is now asleep I can try to put a little more mental energy to this post. I can't find the original blog I was talking about, but this is pretty much the idea. Basically what it says is that our bodies have a predetermined weight, kind of like our height or eye color. Our bodies are set to be some particular weight. "When you go below your body's natural set point, your metabolism will react and start to slow down to try and conserve energy. Your body will start to sense it's in a state of semi-starvation and will try to use the few calories it receives more effectively." Likewise it also says how hard it can be to go ABOVE your set point. Your metabolism speeds up, your body temp rises to burn more calories.

Anyway I just find this theory really interesting. It also says the only way to know what your body's set weight is, is by eating healthy and moderately exercising. It can take a year of doing this before your metabolism can "fix" itself from damage due to overeating or dieting, and to settle into your healthy weight.

I personally believe this theory. It makes sense to me, and I tend to believe things that make sense. I think of people I know who just can't gain weight no matter how hard they try. Drinking milkshakes before bed, drinking 500calorie protein shakes, just desperate to put on a few pounds. While others are doing the opposite to lose weight. You see it all the time. However, do I believe this means my set weight is over 200lbs? No way. I'm just trying to say that I don't think it's 160lbs either. I'm not sure what it is. And I don't want to focus so much on that number. I'd rather focus on eating healthy, quitting all the bad habits I've developed over the years, and exercising. I believe if I can do all these things I will reach my set weight. And maintaining your set weight shouldn't be as much of a struggle because it's where your body wants to be.

I can't find the exact study I read earlier. It studied 50 people. Half they restricted their diets to 500 calories a day, and had them exercise. The other half ate up to 10,000 calories a day, and limited their physical activity. They did lose and gain weight respectively, but not at the rate you would expect. And all went back to their original weight soon after the study ended.

I realize there are holes in this theory. I also believe you can change your body's set point. It all just takes work. Weight loss is not rocket science. Burn more calories than you consume. Easier said than done though, right?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. I'll post some links

http://medweb.mit.edu/pdf/set_point_theory.pdf

http://books.google.com/books?id=UriYBuiH_FkC&pg=PA658&lpg=PA658&dq=study+of+weight+loss+set+point&source=bl&ots=nNn2X6nrmj&sig=v4abKCr_8yHy-w6nM8L2obhO7BI&hl=en&ei=5Ky9TOzQGoOB8gaS66X9Bg&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CBkQ6AEwADgK#v=onepage&q=study%20of%20weight%20loss%20set%20point&f=false

And sorry if this seems like I'm making excuses. I'm so not. I just stumbled across this and found it really interesting. And it confirmed some things I had already thought about. I still plan on continuing what I'm doing, full steam ahead! But I'm trying to do it for reasons other than weight loss. I Jazzercise because it's so fun. And an escape for me. And it doesn't hurt that I burn 600 calories in an hour. I'm trying to eat healthy food because it makes me feel good. I like the way I feel after eating a nice fresh green salad with chopped grilled chicken way better than the way I feel after eating 2 fried chicken legs. So that's what I'm trying to focus on. And cutting out all the binging, and picking, and other fat habits, because they're just no fun.

Anyway I have way more thoughts on the subject that I'll post later, but this is getting long!

?

So I was reading these studies that basically say your body is set to be a certain weight. And it will fight to keep you that weight. It will slow everything down, holding onto calories, and go into a type of starvation mode. It also said of course you can fight this, but it will be a FIGHT for the rest of your life. And that only 20% of people who lose weight actually keep it off. And "keeping it off" was defined by keeping off 10% of your body weight, or something like that.

Anyway it got me thinking. Can I live like this the rest of my life? And the more I thought, the more I thought about what I'm actually doing. I am not doing anything drastic. I am just trying to stop bad habits. That I can do. I could never cut out carbs for life. Or spend 2 hours a gym every day.

So I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and see where that gets me. Because really if for me being skinny means having to do either of those things it just won't work. I feel confident that eating a healthy amount of calories, never truly depriving myself, will work.

I will try to find those websites and post them. It was interesting. I never knew there was this whole movement of "fat acceptance". I'll try to comment on it when I don't have a baby on my lap fighting me for the keyboard.

What I ate for my birthday.

So I tried not to have the attitude of "it's my birthday so I'm going to eat anything I want" because that totally sabotages my weight loss efforts. And it makes it seem like I'm depriving myself the rest of the year, when I'm not trying to be like that. Right? But I did give myself more slack today. Like I ate 4 oreos. And a nice sized piece of Chocolate Silk Pie. But for dinner I had the most delicious Cilantro-Lime Shrimp ever. I was going to eat in tortillas like shrimp tacos, but I was out of rice, avocados and black beans. So I just ate it over lettuce. It was heavenly. So good. And filling. At least with the pie. And maybe that nice sized piece was really two. And maybe by two, I mean there's only 1/4 of the pie left... but I had help! Oh I had help. Olivia, Abigail and Aaron all inhaled it. It was delicious.

But overall I don't feel good about my weight loss efforts this past week. I am determined to step it up this week. I am going to stick with the goals I set about 4 weeks ago with a new passion. If I haven't posted them before here's what I've added one week at a time.

1- No eating anything with more than 12 grams of sugar per serving.

2- Drink half your body weight in oz of water. (ie, if you weigh 200lbs drink 100 oz of water. It sounds like a lot, and it is, but it is the KEY! I'm sure of it. At least that's what I hear. I really haven't lost enough weight to start claiming I have the KEY yet.)

3 - No eating after 7:00pm.

4 - Taking a multivitamin/supplement every day.

I am going to be perfect in these 4 things this week. I don't know if we'll add anything new until I get these 4 down. The only one I can almost say I've mastered is not eating after 7. I did better at my Reliv than previous weeks but not twice a day like I promised. I drank SOME water every day, but not close to the oz mark I want to hit every day. And I def did terrible in the sugar department this week. And if you're looking for a number of pounds lost, I'm not going to weigh myself until Oct. 28th. That's a month from the last time I weighed myself, not counting when I went to the doctor and HAD to be weighed. I'm actually looking forward to it, and I'm going to work so hard for that number to be a big one!

and yeah yeah yeah... not about the number... I know! :)

Birthdays

So tomorrow is my birthdaaayy! I am debating on whether or not I should try a "healthy" cake recipe. But considering it's MY birthday, I think I am just going to go for the yum factor than muster all the willpower I possess and control my portion. And try not to pick while I bake.

So ultimately, by my next birthday I would love to be 180 lbs. That's 50 lbs this year. Doable. Totally doable.

But here's the thing. I know we're not done having kids. I might even get pregnant before my next birthday (who knows, right?). So it seems futile to try to lose weight, knowing I'll be pregnant again.

So I guess that's why I'm trying to just break the fat habits. Just trying to be healthy. A friend recommended the book, Intuitive Eating, I think I am going to check out. Sounds interesting. I'll let you know if I read it. Or if anyone out there has read it I'd love to know what you think.

So I guess maybe forget that whole 50lb goal. I just hope by next birthday I'll be in better shape. I'll come up with a more measurable goal later. Something like being able to run a mile without stopping. Or being able to do a pull up. Yeah just one. Trust me it'd be a miracle. I have to think about it. I'll come up with something.

Meanwhile, I'm celebrating the fact that I ate ONE Oreo today. I don't know that I've ever eaten just one oreo in my entire life.

HOLY DELISH!

Okay, I am no where near Asian. I'm about as far away as you can get. And I'm pretty sure the last recipe and this one are Asian inspired. And last night in my opinion was a bit of a flop, but these lettuce wraps. OH MY HECK. SO GROOOOOD (great and good...)! Normally my requirements for LOVING a dish is that it a.) has a ton of cheese, b.) has some sort of heavy cream involved somehow, c.) is deep fried, or d.) all of the above. This dish is lacking all of those things, and yet is still one of my favorite things I've ever cooked.

Five-Spice Turkey & Lettuce Wraps

285 calories (whaaaaat!)

1/2 cup water

1/2 cup instant brown rice (I used regular brown rice and cooked it normal)

2 teaspoons sesame oil - I actually completely forgot about this.

1 pound 93%-lean ground turkey

1 tablespoon minced fresh ginger Again I only had the ground powder stuff, worked though.

1 large red bell pepper, finely diced I used green, it was like 30 cents cheaper, and I'm cheap like that

1 8-ounce can water chestnuts, rinsed and chopped

1/2 cup reduced-sodium chicken broth

2 tablespoons hoisin sauce

1 teaspoon five-spice powder I found both of these ingredients in the Asian food aisle at Wegmans

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 heads Boston lettuce, leaves separated

1/2 cup chopped fresh herbs, such as cilantro, basil, mint and/or chives Oops forgot that too. That's what happens when you don't print the recipe and keep running back and forth from computer to kitchen.

1 large carrot, shredded

Bring water to a boil in a small saucepan. Add rice; reduce heat to low, cover and cook for 5 minutes. Remove from the heat.

Meanwhile, heat oil in a large nonstick pan over medium-high heat. Add turkey and ginger; cook, crumbling with a wooden spoon, until the turkey is cooked through, about 6 minutes. Stir in the cooked rice, bell pepper, water chestnuts, broth, hoisin sauce, five-spice powder and salt; cook until heated through, about 1 minute.

To serve, spoon portions of the turkey mixture into lettuce leaves, top with herbs and carrot and roll into wraps.

These were heavenly. I would never ever buy hoisin sauce or whatever, if it wasn't for this recipe. I am so glad I did. It wasn't very expensive, and it was SO good. I'm thinking I will be making this at least once a week. It is that good. Olivia ate it with a spoon straight from the pan, and Abigail ate just as much. By the way, I should mention I made this for lunch (hence the earlier post). It is so so so yummy, and filling. And 285 calories! Can't beat that. Did I mention it was good?

Dinner Recipe

So I made Shrimp Fried Rice for dinner. When I originally copied the recipe to my desktop I only copied the ingredients... don't know how that happened. So anyway, I bought all the stuff then couldn't find (read: was too lazy to really look) for the original recipe so I winged it. I wasn't a very big fan. But my hubby finished his bowl, Olivia ate a few bites, and Abigail inhaled what Olivia left over.

So here's the ingredients :

1 cup cooked brown rice

1 tablespoon sesame oil

1 tablespoon low-sodium soy sauce

1 garlic clove, minced

1 tablespoon grated ginger

3 ounces precooked shrimp

2 cups bok choy

And here's what I did. Cooked the rice. Then combined sesame oil, soy sauce, garlic and ginger and shrimp in a wok. Then I added the bok choy. Then I added the rice. Then I decided it needed more shrimp so I added them. That was a mistake. The bok choy got really mushy while the rest of the shrimp cooked. I also cooked my rice in chicken broth because I thought that would give it a little more flavor. Only problem it was like totally clashing flavors. So yeah don't try that.

This recipe is about 300 cals for a generous serving. There's about 4 g of fiber. Low fat. Next time I'll add an onion, more garlic, maybe a little more soy sauce, use fresh ginger, and not do those things I already mentioned.

Tomorrow's recipe... Lettuce Wraps. I hope they turn out a little better or my husband is going to be praying for this health kick to end. I feel satisfied, and ate way less calories than I normally would.

I read an article today about weight loss. It had a lot of things I've heard before but never really let sink in.

One of the things it said was that it's a myth that the muscle owns the fat in front of it. For example, your ab muscles own your belly fat. So by doing crunches you are burning belly fat. Apparently not. Of course crunches and all that do something. You burn calories. But unfortunately we don't get to decide where our bodies will take that fat from.

I've lost 3lbs so far.

And I swear it's all from my boobs! WTH!

So anyway, Jazzercise is really good because you work large muscle groups, and I just really trust that the instructor knows what she's doing. I'm not worrying much about my workouts right now because I really think right now for me, just following the leader is best.

I've pinpointed another bad habit. I pick. I guess I've mentioned this before. But seriously, I am so gross with what I will eat. We went to Chipotle for dinner tonight (I know, big dieter no-no, right? Totally breaks like every rule of my last post. But I tried to stay on the healthy side and I made sure I had enough cals for it..). We brought a bag home with some left overs. That lasted about 30 seconds after we walked in the door. Then I went to throw the bag away, and noticed about 5 little black beans that had fallen out of the burrito. I scarfed em. Along with whatever shreds of lettuce were stuck to them. I do stuff like this ALL THE TIME. It must add up. And I don't ever count it, because how many cals are in 5 flippin' black beans?! But like I said, doing this all day I'm sure adds up. I'll have to work on catching myself. Sometimes I pretend like I'm in a reality show and all of you are watching me. How lame am I? But it helps. I keep joking with Aaron that my people are watching, so I have to be good. He thinks knows that I'm pretty much nuts.

Tomorrow night for dinner I'm making Shrimp Fried Brown Rice. It follows all the rules. I'll post the recipe after I make it and let you know what we think. It contains Bok Choy. Since I'm pretty sure I have no idea what that is, it must be good for you.

Dr. Oz

Oh I how I heart Doctor Oz. He has a Dinner Challenge, that I just signed up for. Basically his 3 rules are:

Dinner Rule #1: Portion Your Protein

You should be eating no more than 4 oz. of lean protein during meals. Measure your meat portions against an everyday kitchen sponge - compare them side by side and by volume; this will leave you with 4 oz. of protein and only 200 calories. Hint: Stay away from "prime" cuts of beef; this only means they have more fat in them. Stick to lean cuts.

Dinner Rule #2: Fill Up on Fiber

You must get at least 5 grams of fiber with your dinner. Look to low-calorie, high-fiber foods to get you there. Think whole grains and vegetables. You want to measure by volume - not weight. Use a 4 oz. ladle as your guide. For example, a 4 oz. ladle-full of peas will give you the desired fiber and about 200 calories. Hint: The average American only eats 10-12 grams of fiber a day; the ideal amount for a healthy diet is 25 grams.

Dinner Rule #3: Double the Veggies, Double the Spice

The benefits of a meal full of vegetables and spices are many. These nutritional powerhouses harbor powerful antioxidants, can be digestive aids and potent cancer-fighters. Seasoning your meals with natural spices - instead of butters and fat - will help you conserve calories. By doubling your portion of vegetables, you're only adding an additional 100 calories to your dinner.

The Perfect 500 Calorie Dinner:

Protein = 200 calories

Fiber = 200 calories

Vegetables = 100 calories

I'm going to try to come up with some yummy recipes that follow these rules. Anyone know already?

IT'S OUT

Okay so this totally irked me.

I went to the doctor today and told her I wanted my Mirena out. I was not expecting her to give me a hard time about it. But she did. She asked me what my "story" was. And I told her. I was about 200 elbees when they put this darn thing inside me and then doing nothing different, I am now 230. She told me MILLIONS of people have used the Mirena and I would be THE very first to report weight gain as a side effect. REALLY? I'd be the FIRST? I know that's not true. And I told her I wanted it out anyway. She said she'd really hate to see me get it out, for that reason only since it's the best form of birth control currently on the market. I had some other personal reasons I wanted it out, so she went ahead and removed it. But seriously! Flippity, flippin, ey. It's my body, I say I want it out, who gives a rip. And you can't say I'm the first to report weight gain, but whatev.

Unfortunately it didn't weight 30lbs. But maybe that is fortunate since I would hate to have anything 30lbs taken out from that area...

And maybe she was right. Maybe it has nothing to do with it. And if that's the case I am going to be sad, but I'll just keep chuggin along. And eventually doing the right things, I'll see results.

Checking In

So YESTERDAY I promised you all that I would take my vitamins twice a day the way I am supposed to.

And I only took it once.

Which IS one more than before my challenge.

And I started today off right and took it as soon as I woke up. And I WILL take it again.

Also, yesterday I did awesome about not eating anything with more than 12 grams of sugar per serving. For breakfast I had a bowl of multigrain cheerio's with skim milk. For lunch I had a hearty whole grain english muffin with a slice of american cheese. I had a snack of a Real Fruit Ice Pop, sugar free. Then for dinner I had 2 slices of pizza. I probably should have stopped at one. Then I had to drive the entire 30 minute drive home with the left over pizza on my lap. And I swear it was just begging me to open the box, and take just one more bite. I kept telling Aaron, "I am stronger than this pizza. I am stronger than this pizza." It really shouldn't be that hard, right? I mean to not eat something delicious when you're not even hungry? And it wasn't even THAT delicious. But I did it! It's the small things I need to celebrate. (Besides I had the left over slice for breakfast this morning...)

I also drank a decent amount of water. I didn't really keep track, but whenever I thought of it I filled up at 12oz glass with water and drank it.

And I didn't eat past 7pm. Okay that's a lie. I took my reliv at like 9:00. And it left a nasty taste in my mouth so what choice did I have but to eat 2, or maaaybe 3 teeenie tiny bites of ice cream? But that was it!

Today is National Face Your Fears Day. What are you afraid of? I've pretty much faced my worst fears. The dentist. Escalators. Natural Childbirth. Short of searching out a rapist, I think I've faced my fears, and hopefully that's not one I'll ever face. But this weight loss thing is kind of like facing fears right? It's kind of scary to change habits. To stop doing what I've always done.

Anyway later today I am going to my OB to get my IUD out. I'll let ya'll know if this thing weighs 30lbs or not. ;)

Healthy Challenge

Every time I've tried to lose weight in the past it's been an all or nothing approach. This time I am trying to gradually develop healthy habits. Plus kick my work out into high gear. Which I am happy to say really has already become a habit for me. I wake up at 5am, go to Jazzercise at 5:30 and have my work out done before 7am. I love it. And yeah, that has nothing to do with the rest of this post, but was just for me to brag.

So my challenge to myself, and anyone who wants to join, this week is to be perfect in taking my multi-vitamin. For me it's a product called Reliv, that I absolutely love. When I take it I feel better, have more energy, and it's just a good thing. So why do I struggle taking it? I hate the way it tastes!! But I need to just put on my big girl panties and get over it. I'll let you know how I do.

I have heard that when your body isn't getting the nutrition it needs it keeps sending out hunger signals until that nutritional need is met. I have no idea if that's true or not. It makes sense to me, and that's kind of what I tend to go with.

My theory about Mirena IUD

So this isn't fact. This isn't even science. It's just my own musings, and some logic, and some google research.

But I think that part of the reason IUD's work is because it makes your body think you are pregnant. By something being in the uterus, obviously the only other time something is in there is when you're pregnant. So I think my body is holding onto all these calories so ferociously to preserve a nonexistent fetus.

But we'll find out Tuesday. Well in the weeks to follow Tuesday. I am getting this thing out. I hope the weight will start to come off easier once my body is mine again.

I got pregnant in June 2007. I was still nursing Olivia when I got pregnant again in Sept 2008. Then around the time I weened Abigail, I got the Mirena. I am anxious to not have any kind of extra estrogen or hormones flowing through my body.

In my mind the doctor is going to pull out like 50lbs along with this IUD. Wouldn't that be nice!

Minor success?

Today I had a baby shower to attend. I decided to buy all the moms-to-be boxes of chocolate.

But then I thought, is that silly? Are people going to laugh at me for dumb gift? Aren't showers supposed to be gifts for the baby? And I got super stressed thinking about this major decision of what to buy for the baby shower.

So I bought myself a candy bar.

The success is because I only ate half (so far... but I swear I'm making Aaron eat the rest). Plus, I didn't have any sweets at the shower. Even though they looked delicious and tempting. Go me, right?

I realized I need to find a better way to deal with stress. And not stress over ridiculous things like what people will think of my shower gift. Once I figure that out, I'll get back to you. Because I really do think it's my biggest hurdle right now.

My Fat Habits

Okay so I thought it'd be good to write about why I'm fat. Why am I fat? (Fat's an ugly word. Almost anytime someone uses it, it's almost always followed by, 'you're not fat!' And maybe I'm not "fat" according to some definitions, but according to the BMI thing I am OBESE. That's an even uglier word if ya ask me...) Back to the topic here. I have some bad habits. I want to recognize them, and destroy them.

For starters, I am a stress eater. HUGE stress eater. If I'm even feeling slightly anxious I am looking for something to put in my mouth. Specifically something sweet.

I also can not walk past food and leave it alone. I will pick at it and eat it. I am still the little kid with my finger in the frosting of the cake. Sometimes the food doesn't even have to be visible. I still find it hard to walk through my mother's kitchen without pulling something from the cupboard.

Along these same lines I always finish everything on my plate. I try to leave a few bites, since that's advice I've been given. And it's not like I have a problem with waste. I have a problem with never feeling full. I can honestly out eat almost everyone I know. I literally have to force myself to stop eating. The only time I ever feel full is when I'm pregnant. Otherwise, I'm like a bottomless pit.

Okay healthy things I do naturally, or sometimes force myself to do. I always take the stairs. I park far away. I play with my kids. I drink a lot of water. I never (very rarely) drink soda. It's a rare treat to get a candy bar or anything like that. We eat a lot of lean meats, whole wheat, fruits, and vegetables. By all that I SHOULD be skinny, right??? Guess I have to kick those fat habits.

Also, I bake like the BEST chocolate chip cookies ever. When I make them, I lose all self control, am grateful for my bottomless stomach and I devour a dozen the first day I make them. So yeahh taking a little break from making those for a while. But every once and a while... I just have to make them. When all the forces in the world align and I can hear the chocolate chips beckoning me from their drawer. I hear it when I see a whole stick of butter still perfectly wrapped in it's paper. When I come across a brand new bag of soft brown sugar. When I pull out the gallon of milk and they have a flippin' ad for cookies on the back! It's all a conspiracy to make me fat, I know it.

Intro.

So I'm starting a blog to just document my weight loss. I have another blog where I update about my cuties, that's mainly for family and friends. So if you stumbled across this blog, not from reading my other blog here's a bit of info about me.

I'm 25, soon to be 26 (birthday is in 9 more dayssss!!). I weigh 229lbs according the scale at Jazzercise. This is the most I have ever weighed, not pregnant. And really not much more than this at the end of my last pregnancy. I got married in 2005. I weighed around 175. I was about 200lbs when we got pregnant with our first baby in 2007. By the end of that pregnancy I was 228. I came home from the hospital 215, and was back to 200 within the next 3 weeks. I stayed around there until we got pregnant again in 2008. This time I was probably 235 by the end of my pregnancy. I came home from the hospital probably 220. I lost a bit. I got down to about 210, maybe 208, then about 6 months ago I got a Mirena IUD. Which brings to me where I am today. 229.

UGH. I hate that number.

I hate that number because it starts with 2. Followed by another 2. Followed by a 9!!!!

But weight loss isn't about focusing on numbers right?

Right.

So anyway... I have a profile on myfitnesspal.com Which I am lovin'. I write down every single item of food that enters my mouth. I track my exercise. I make an honest attempt at staying within my caloric goal, and I succeed most days. I try not to eat anything with more than 8 grams of sugar a serving. I try to drink A GALLON of water a day. And I don't eat past 7:00pm (most days). I have an awesome friend/cousin-in-law (do those exist? They certainly do in our family) who has been helping me do little challenges for a week trying to create healthy habits. Anyone want in? That's why this blog, is Breaking Fat Habits. Perhaps someone else reading this blog wants to join us? I'd love more ideas of things we could add each week, and some more people to be accountable to. Email me, lauren.opie@gmail.com

I am going to try to update this daily with thoughts and recipes and whatnot. But if you didn't catch that, I do have two kids about 18 months apart who keep me pretty busy... and one of which is currently smearing lipstick all over her face, and just got hands on mascara so I better jet.